feeling deppressed

I feel like I am ready to leave uni, I can not leave though I owe it to my self to stay but I don't feel I can carry on anymore.
I can not sleep I am feeling anxious all over again and feeling paranoid.

last tuesday was horrid and I was so guilty for all the things I never did or didn't do before she died and on wed nursery rang and said he had another funny turn but this time he collapsed as well
(he has been vacant moments his eyes have been rolling and he shacked 9not fits) we have seen this too so he was sent for an ecg which didn't show anything)
they said he then sat up had a hug and went of and played again.
so he is now having a ct scan.

it is all too much for me I feel like I have gone backwards 10 steps and I am now feeling terrified of having schizophrenia or something I am scared I am heading for a breakdown or something, I know I am not the only one with problems but im not sure how much more I can cope with.
appointments after appointments and each appointment makes one more or in some cases two more. 
this month I have had/having 14 appointments 9 for joseph 1 for emily and 4 for me
I am at uni 3 days and in work placement one day so it leaves me little time for appointments so I have been missing uni left right and center and I am trying to get extensions because I have two assignments due on the 10 and I have only started one of them.

I am just at the end of it all I need my teeth sorted but I can not get the time for an appointment my self, I can not go to cbt because I have no time (I have asked her if I can come again in the summer holidays next year because it is the only time I will have time) 

my washer is fucked all though I want a new one anyway im going to have to wait not that that is anything to do with it but I lost my way a little.

today we went to yet another appointment with the genetastist she was nice and said they haven't found anything new although they did find a story of a little boy with the same hands and feet of mine but none of the other things. 
she told me of funding being given to the genetics at leeds and my family have been flagged up so she wants a full blood count from me, martyn and emily they already have charlottes and joseph's on file.
she said don't pin all your hopes on it because they may not find anything but they have in the last few years recognized 5 genetic make ups.

she went on about having loads of tests when I next got pregnant but she was told firmly by both me and martyn that it wouldn't be necessary as we would not terminate a pregnancy..

I feel ok for typing all this but I just feel like I am going nuts again my iron isn't sorted because the tossers canceled my infusion because I am not aloud the stuff they gave me because of asthma so I am still feeing like shit and look as pale as a ghost.

ggggggggggggggggggggrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr

THE END (sob sob sob)